Jaws Meets Harvey

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"Jaws Meets Harvey"

by: Wes Robert Ward

(Imagine a scene of the movie Jaws missing where Quint, Hooper, and Brody are around the table having a few beers that night while Jaws swims beneath and they are about to sing 'Show Me The Way To Go Home'. Well this was the scene cut out of that movie and here it is:)

Quint replies, "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, in this world, Quinty-pooh, you must be. She always called me Quinty-pooh. In this world, Quinty-pooh, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."

Brody replied with disbelief, "You were pleasant?"

Hooper says, "Uh okay, Quinty-pooh. Somebody's been in the Hundred Acre Woods to long."

Quint chuckled, "Aye, alas that's what the Pooka always tells me on land. He's not seaworthy although he has come along from time to time."

"Pooka?" Brody arched his eyebrow above his glasses, "What's a Pooka?"

Quint smiles, "He's a very dear friend of mine. Hard to explain in words, but there's an encyclopedia behind ya, Chief."

Brody picks up the book and flips to the letter P to read what it is. Brody reads out loud from the book, "P-O-O-K-A, Pooka. From old Celtic mythology. A fairy spirit in animal form, always very large. The pooka appears here and there, now and then, to this one and that one. A benign, but mischievous creature - very fond of rumpots, crackpots, and how are you, Sheriff Brody?"

Brody feels stumped, looks around, flaps the book about and cries out, "How are you, Sheriff Brody? Who in the encyclopedia wants to know?"

Hooper says to Quint, "Uh, what he said. Can you explain, Quint? Right now the beer is going to my head and I'd like to go home and build a huge mash potato mountain in my living room."

Quint takes a swig of his beer then says, "I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, 'Good evening, Mr. Quint.' Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... he said, 'Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?' Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, 'You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours.' And, and right back at me he said, 'What name do you like?' Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, 'Harvey.' And, uh, this is the interesting thing about the whole thing: He said, 'What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.' "

Hooper asks, "Who's Harvey?"

Brody replies, "Apparently a white rabbit, six feet tall."

Hooper says, "Six feet?"

Quint huffs at them, "Six feet three and a half inches. Now let's stick to the facts."

Hooper looks at Brody. Brody looks at Hooper and shrugs.

Quint says, "Well, you've heard the expression, 'his face would stop a clock'. Well, Harvey can look at your clock... and stop it. And you can go anywhere you like, with anyone you like, and stay as long as you like, and when you get back... not one minute will have ticked by."

Quint also added, "You see, science has overcome time and space. Well, Harvey has overcome not only time and space, but any objections."

Hooper says, "Uh okay, I just have one question? Where is this Harvey? Is he here with us now? I'd like to see this big Pooka or white rabbit or whatever you call him."

Quint took a swig of his beer then said, "Harvey may be a rabbit, but deep down he's a pussy. He said, yep, and this is the truth, he said, 'You all get your ass eaten, I ain't goin'. Sharks and rabbits don't get along. You want me to toss bloody chum, well my dear chum, you can toss it yourself and off the boat for all I care. I'm going down to Charlie's to have a few martinis with this gentleman named Elwood P. Dowd.' And off the Pooka went, that lousy piece of\u2026"

Brody pointed at a scar, "Speaking of more scars, "Where'd ya get that one above your left eyebrow?"

Quint grinned, "A little red-headed sexpot named Jessica Rabbit. Why she had titties and a nice pair of legs to make that shark out there get a hard-on\u2026"

(...and end scene, that's all folks!!!)

The End. \ud83d\udc2c\ud83d\udc30

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