The Hitcher Strikes Again
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"The Hitcher Strikes Again"
by: Wes Robert Ward
The other night I had walked to Walmart and as I was walking into the parking lot, I came across two grocery cart buggies back to back to each other with a Barbie Doll tied from one end to another with two separate chains as if being ready to be ripped apart.
It was like that awful moment in that 1986 thriller called 'The Hitcher' starring Rutger Hauer as the psychotic serial killer trying to kill C. Thomas Howell, but only killing his girlfriend by ripping her apart by tying her with chains to two semi trucks back to back with each other.
That scene was so gruesome it gave me nightmares although out my childhood. You can understand the trauma inside of me as I saw that Barbie Doll tied from head to foot between those two grocery cart buggies.
And suddenly I realized that at that moment there was some sick twisted kid in that Walmart toy section with the future of being a serial killer. Jessie from Toy Story could be the next victim and Woody would be one useless Cowboy in that situation. Mister Potatohead would probably be the Hitcher, in other words the psychotic hitch-hiker serial killer.
So you must understand my dilemma in seeing something like that. That and toilet tissue went up in price which also freaked me out. Seriously that is so much a different horror story if you ask me. I mean I would rather wipe my ass with George Washington than Andrew Jackson if you know what I mean.
I mean complaining at customer service about cheap shit paper is like trying to teach a dog new tricks. I simply peel off a tissue square and they not only call security, call the cops, and strip search me in the back room, but also take away all my rights and amendments.
Eventually I got banned from Walmart so I must get my toilet tissue from over-priced Target now. Benjamin Franklin where the sun don't shine if you catch my drift.
And Barbie got decapitated. \ud83d\ude2d
The End. \ud83d\udc4d
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