The Man That Kicked A Bear

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"The Man That Kicked A Bear"

by: Wes Robert Ward

The bravest man I ever knew, no, the bravest man since William Wallace, was the man that kicked a bear.

Not no ordinary kick or any bear. This Man climbed the biggest rocky hill in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming and then quickly as he could took his steel toed work boot and kicked a full grown Grizzly Bear in the butt.

Try as he could the Man thought because he was an ex-football player for the Seattle Seahawks he thought because he was the greatest kicker to retire from the NFL, he thought and I wouldn't lie about this\u2026 he thought he could kick that Grizzly Bear like a football off the rocky hill over 60 yards into that geyser called Old Faithful.

Well, I gotta say\u2026 ex-football players whether they played high school, college, or professional football don't have the highest IQ. And my friend here was as smart as Terry Bradshaw who might have done the same thing if he was in his boots.

That Bear, I mean that Grizzly Bear turned his head and looked at the stupidest man he ever knew, no, the stupidest man since the last one he ate, was the man that kicked his bear butt.

Why there was even the biggest dirtiest imprint on the Grizzly's Bear butt almost the size of Wilt Chamberlain's foot.

The Grizzly Bear roared at him. Suddenly my friend realized that Grizzly Bear like the footballs he used to kick into the goals didn't even clear the field.

Well it was either put up your fists and fight a Grizzly Bear like retard Mike Tyson would do or run like hell. That Grizzly Bear started to stand at 9 and a half feet tall and weighed about 1,500 pounds.

My friend decided to choose the latter option. And the bravest man I ever knew started to run like Jesse Owens down that rocky hill.

And that Grizzly Bear didn't just stand there like a chump like Yogi Bear. No, he chased after him and thought he was just fast food. He didn't need no ketchup, his ketchup would be the man's blood.

They ran for yards and miles, the Man came close with the Grizzly bear more than once thanks to bloody claw marks on his backside, but he ran and he ran until he couldn't barely run any more.

The Grizzly bear was fast on his heels until the Man jumped through a small cabin window right through the weak glass and the Grizzly bear roared as it tried to squeeze in too, but realized he was to big.

The Man stood up just a few feet from the roaring bear's snout and laughed, "That's right, I kicked your Bear butt and lived to tell the tale."

The Grizzly Bear roared mighty and strong with Bear spit spraying all over the Man's face and body.

The Man held his ground and folded his arms on his chest proud at what he had accomplished. No other man since Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett ever succeeded in kicking a bear in the butt and getting away with it.

And as I had my drink at the bar with my new friend, the bravest man I ever knew, I realized that I was sitting with a legend, and I bought him his next drink to honor him.

And as I chatted with a sexy waitress next to me, another man sat next to him, and the Man That Kicked A Bear said to him, "Let me tell you a tale of how I kicked a bear in the butt."

And the Legend grows and after a few more drinks that Bear was a Rhino, then an Elephant, and then a house cat.

Well as Legends grew, the bravest man I ever knew put on his fedora hat, picked up his coat, put it under his arm, and walked out into the cold dark night.

And that was the last time I saw him. As the years went by and as I grew older and wiser, I sometimes wonder whatever became of the Man that kicked a Bear. The Legend had disappeared into that dark night never to be seen again.

And as legends grew, some say there's this old Grizzly Bear that sits up on a rocky hill in Yellowstone National Park that has a big dark imprint of a boot on it's butt.

And the Legend lives on.

The End. \ud83d\udc3b

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