The Screaming Hand

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"The Screaming Hand"

by: Wes Robert Ward

Stanley Howard was born with a screaming hand. Yes, that is what I said. Stanley Howard was born with a screaming hand.

Now that could be the most strangest thing ever seen or heard, but this world is full of oddities and Stanley's screaming hand could be among the top ten. In between the third eye and feet that can laugh.

When born from his mother's womb, Stanley didn't cry much, but his left hand screamed like a maniac. Doctors and Nurses were shocked beyond words. Stanley's mother passed out and recovered later, but his father yelled out in the delivery room, "What the hell is that?"

Well as Stanley grew up, the screaming hand didn't scream all the time. Just in the most embarrassing situations. It slept when Stanley slept and it enjoyed Stanley's private time when he was a teenager with Grandpa's stolen Hustler magazines.

At his baptism, the pastor was going to assist Stanley's parents in carefully dunking the baby into the holy water, but the hand screamed so loud it rattled the church and the pastor dropped Stanley in the whole small tub. Stanley got baptized alright and almost drowned along with the screaming hand that gasped with him as the pastor brought him out.

On the playground the children teased Stanley's hand and while playing tetherball one day, the hand screamed and bit the ball. Stanley's dream of joining the Olympic volleyball team came to a crashing end that day.

Stanley had a hard time getting through school for every time his hand started screaming his teacher would tell him and his hand to get the hell out.

In college it was no different. Although the girls thought it was wild when they had sex with Stanley because the hand was louder than their orgasms.

Stanley went to work at a Law Firm which was very difficult to keep his hand under control in the courtroom. He mostly did paralegal help for the main big Lawyers.

Stanley also loved to travel. Because of his screaming hand, he got kicked out of every place from the Taj Mahal to the White House. Although the President thought he'd make a great Press Secretary.

People sometimes ask him why he didn't just have his left hand surgically removed. And sometimes Stanley thought about it, but thought no.

The screaming hand wasn't always bad. In a way it was like Stanley's conjoined brother, but instead of being on the upper body it was his left hand. Stanley sometimes says there are good days and there are bad days when the hand does not scream.

And his friends usually ask, "What good days are those?"

Everybody hated the screaming hand except Stanley himself. The hand never talked or laughed just screamed, but on those rare good days it cooed and sighed with contentment as if being on Stanley's wrist was the most wonderful thing in the world.

Then it would scream his hand off and break every glass in the store. If Stanley had bad luck by breaking a mirror and getting 7 years bad luck then it would be about 7 million thanks to the screaming hand.

As the days went by and years as well, Stanley grew to be an old man. Yes, he had married three times. First wife hated the hand, second one tried to cut it off with a chainsaw, the third one was deaf and remained married to Stanley.

In the nursing home retirement center, the nurses grew tiresome of the screaming hand. One actually thought an enema from Stanley's ass to the screaming hand mouth might help, but thought not.

The day came when Stanley passed on and Stanley's wife, kids, family, and doctors and nurses thought the hand would die with him, but the hand lingered for six screaming hours until a nurse couldn't take it anymore and smothered it with a pillow.

No one blamed the nurse or told on her for that matter.

The screaming hand had died with Stanley six hours after his death when he was cold and rigamortis had set in long ago.

They buried Stanley and his no longer screaming hand in the Cemetery of Peaceful Slumber in Illinois. On top of his tombstone was a statue of him holding his left hand who instead with a screaming palm, it was smiling.

Together in life they embarked on the greatest adventure together irritating people left and right, and now in death they embark on a new adventure on doing that to the undead.

Rest in peace, Stanley, and please rest in peace as well, screaming hand. \ud83d\ude4f

The End. \u270b

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