Tornado Ned

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"Tornado Ned"

by: Wes Robert Ward

In the small town of Johnsonville, Oklahoma back in 1933 lived a 33 year old caucasian man by the name Ned Wilson, but as time went by he became known as Tornado Ned.

Why you say? Well some used to say that old Ned used to attract those Tornados or even Twisters or even wind storms of any such like a storm magnet. Some also said he was cursed. But mostly everybody realized old Ned was delusional for what he went through with a certain tornado that must of messed up his mind like an old Model-T Ford automobile that wouldn't crank right.

It all began on September 6th 1916 when Ned had his 16th birthday party at noon time. Suddenly out of nowhere and without warning a tornado blew in out of nowhere and wiped out the whole town with not many surviving.

Luckily, Ned's family lived except for his old Uncle Henry who was riding a mule up to his birthday party when the tornado came up from behind. Just the memory of watching old Uncle Henry whacking his old mule with a stick as he swirled around into that tornado then disappeared forever stayed in Ned's mind for the rest of his days.

As for Uncle Henry and mule, they were found three miles outside of town, dead in a small creek. It seems Uncle Henry landed first then mule on top of him, it wasn't a pretty picture.

Ned went on with life and worked with family on their farm and even also as a door to door handyman fixing anything that needed to be fixed. He was also known as Fix-It Ned, but the other nickname was catchier.

Then sadly one dreary day in the middle of the month of May came a tornado that ripped across most of the farmlands. In it's path was Ned's farm. The year before both his parents had succumbed to a heart attack then yellow fever and it was only him and his two older spinster sisters Agnes and Edith and his three hound dogs Cooter, Hank, and Luke\u2026 plus a very fat light brown tabby cat named Walnut.

Agnes cried out as she pointed to the dark swirling sky, "It's a tornado heading our way. I say we get to the cellar before all hell breaks loose."

Edith agreed with a nod, "I'll go get my sewing needles. If I'm aiming to be down there with just a candle, I'll finish that quilt Mama never finished."

Ned watched the dark sky from the front wooden door step where he sat on. Somehow he was mesmerized by the swirling big black tornado.

Agnes said as she collected their most important things from the kitchen, "Ned, what are you doing? We need to high tail it quick cause that tornado ain't gonna just by-pass on us like some no good door to door salesman."

Ned replied as he stood, "Ah nothing, it's just something about that tornado over yonder."

That something was a dream he's been having since he was six years old. In the dream Ned stands by the water well seeing the biggest blackest darkest tornado ever existed screaming and tearing up everything in it's path and it was heading straight towards him with a wrath of such strong intensity.

Ned in the dream just like he was on the porch just then was mesmerized by it. But in the dream he walks towards it and not away from it\u2026

"NED WAKE UP!!!" Agnes yelled as she flew past him to the cellar door by the house, "It's a coming, time to haul keester or we're be swept up like the dirt and debris it be picking up."

Edith ran behind her as Agnes opened the cellar doors, "I got what needed to be gettin'. I sure am glad Daddy stocked enough provisions down there."

Ned walked with them, yet he still couldn't help, but look at the tornado. He felt like it was calling him.

The tornado swooshed and roared as it came closer and closer, "Ned\u2026 Ned\u2026 Ned\u2026 Ned\u2026"

"NED!!!" Agnes screamed over the winds from just inside the cellar front steps, "What the tarnation you doing? Get your scrawny ass inside here, Mister!!!"

Ned was woken again out of his delusions and ran. It was close as close can be. As he was about to get inside his three dogs rushed in first barking their heads off. Seems his old hound dogs weren't stupid.

Edith cried out, "Where's my Walnut?"

Agnes yelled, "You mean that fat piece of crap? Last I saw him he was a-laying on Daddy's desk in his old bedroom."

Edith cried, "But Walnut is my baby pussycat."

Ned said without hesitation, "I'll go find him."

"Ned, wait\u2026"

But Ned didn't wait he closed the cellar door and slid the big wooden bolt through it to secure them safely inside.

Ned could barely hear Agnes banging and screaming away on the cellar doors as he ran back inside the house.

"Walnut, where the heck are you, you fat bastard?" Ned cried out, already getting tired of looking for some hairy pussycat that was probably hiding under the house.

Just then a huge tree blew right through the window and pretty much took up residency in the living room, but also took out the bathroom door and the bathroom included.

Ned had jumped just in time back into the kitchen as things started hitting the old house like it was like the war in Europe years ago.

"Pussycat, you on your own," cried Ned as he jumped up and ran outside just in time to see the tornado just so many yards from him.

Ned just stood there and looked at it as his Daddy's old pitchfork flew past his face, almost hitting him, and impaled itself on the side of the house.

The tornado was bigger than ever. Dark, black, and full of raging windy anger. It called to Ned, "Come."

Suddenly Ned had no choice, he walked towards the Tornado and was taken by the storm.

Darkness then and nothing else. A swirling blackness filled the void of what was now and what was then. Nothingness it could be called, a kind of limbo or a purgatory within what we call the mind.

To Ned, that nothingness was him. It's as if time no longer existed within him. Seconds flew by, minutes, hours, perhaps days, possibly years. All Ned knew was that he was in an inferno of a blender of sorts.

Suddenly and without warning, Ned was thrown out of the tornado into a field of bright green grass. Over and over he flopped like a rolling pin until he came to a rough stop by an old remodeled barn.

Ned sat up, feeling dizzy and noticed the tornado before him was a little smaller and nothing more than gray and white instead of black and dark.

"See I told ya, Granddaughter!!!" yelled a really old man in a wheelchair pointing at Ned.

Ned stood up real quick on wobbly legs and looked at the old man. Something about him made him think he looked familiar in some way, but he couldn't pinpoint it.

The Granddaughter, a woman Ned's age behind the old man who was wearing weird blue pants and a red sweater said, "Who's that man, Grandpa Ned?"

Ned's eyes widen as he heard the name and suddenly he recognized the old man.

Grandpa Ned laughed, "That there man is me. See I told you Time Tornados exist, but would anybody listen to an old man's stories that happened 60 years ago, no!!!"

The Granddaughter gasps, "He looks just like you from your old photos, Grandpa."

Ned, the younger one stood nervously as he started to take in his surroundings. Not just the old man or granddaughter, but the old house he lived in with the old barn, all had added editions to it with real windows and near the barn was some type of weird automobile that looked futuristic? Something far up, way up high, flew over\u2026 it looked like a giant airplane. Did the Wright brothers make that?

Grandpa Ned grinned as he pointed at his younger self, "Now watch this, Jenny. He's gonna get nervous and freak out then run back into that tornado when I say this\u2026 WELCOME TO 1993, BOY!!!"

Ned screamed with fright and ran back to the tornado and didn't even hesitate, he leaped in head first.

Grayness then and nothing else. A swirling whiteness filled the void of what was now and what was then. Somethingness it could be called, a kind of light or bright within what we call the mind.

To Ned, that somethingness was him. It's as if time no longer existed within him. Seconds flew by, minutes, hours, perhaps days, possibly years. All Ned knew was that he was in a spin of a twister of sorts.

Then suddenly it was over and instead of the rough landing in what was possibly the future to Ned, instead Ned was pushed out with like an invisible gentle windy hand out of the tornado which had suddenly disappeared as if it never appeared at all.

Ned was back, he knew his land well. Bleak and weak with drought, but it had potential he always knew. He looked towards the house that still stood and the barn, which was worn and damaged by the storm, but he was glad it still stood, both of them.

He noticed two figures running up to him with hound dogs and a pussycat who stopped to lick his crotch. It was his beloved sisters Agnes & Edith, his dogs, and Walnut, who could forget Walnut.

Agnes yelled, "I had to get Daddy's axe in the back of the cellar to break open those old wooden cellar doors, Ned. What the bleeding blazes made you lock us up like that?"

Edith picked up her cat who purred, "We were worried about you? You\u2026 you came out of that tornado, Ned. How come you ain't dead?"

Agnes nodded, "That's what I want to know. By all rights that there tornado would of thrown your scrawny body from here to Texas. You be as flat as Uncle Henry was, may he rest in peace."

Ned looked back at where the tornado was which was nothing more than air and devastation then looked back at his sisters. He said lightly as can be, "It was a time tornado."

"A what?" said both sisters, not believing what their brother just said.

Ned pointed out yonder, "That there tornado took me to the year 1993 and I saw some stuff you wouldn't believe."

Agnes said with a huff of disbelief, "No, we don't believe it. Come on, Edith. I want to finish making that apple pie and Ned here needs to go find some dinosaurs in the barn or something."

Edith nodded as she dropped Walnut, "Um okay\u2026"

Ned cried out, "I ain't lying. That there time tornado was real. I saw myself 60 years older in a wheelchair. A metal one, not those wooden ones that Grandpa Charlie was in. I also had a granddaughter too\u2026"

Agnes yelled as she walked back with her confused sister Edith with the dogs, "Well you need to go fix the house and barn then if you get lucky at the Chicken Ranch whorehouse you might make a kid to get that granddaughter. Now enough of this horse malarkey, you mind your sisters and mend what your precious time tornado did."

Ned raised his finger in his defense, but none would listen. He looked back at where that time tornado stood and thought about the future, this 1993.

He looked down at Walnut, the tabby cat and said, "I saw the future, Walnut. I saw a giant airplane in the sky\u2026"

"Meow," Walnut just meowed then started licking his crotch. Nothing else mattered to Walnut at that time, not even some tornado that came and went. Nothing else mattered, but just him licking his own crotch.

The End. \ud83c\udf00

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